©
1999 James A. Fowler
You are free to download
this outline provided it remains intact without alteration. You
are also free to transmit this outline electronically provided
that you do so in its entirety with proper citation of authorship
included.
COURTSHIP
I. Courtship and dating are not Biblical words. Some distinguish
between courtship and
dating.
II. Cultural determinations of courtship process.
A. Hebrew society.
1. Mate
selection
a.
Families usually arranged - Gen. 21:1; 38:6
b.
Groom sometimes selected, and had family arrange - Judges 14:2
c.
Family sometimes sought consent of daughter - Gen. 24:58
d.
Romantic attraction in mate selection - Gen. 29:20
2. Betrothal
was as binding as marriage. Usually less than 1 year.
3. Mohar.
Marriage present from groom to bride's family. Compensation for
loss of daughter.
Gen.
34:12; Exod. 22:16; I Sam. 18:25
B. Roman society
1. Mate
selection usually arranged by families.
2. Betrothal
as early as ages 5-7 for daughters. Marriage - 12-17.
3. Dowry.
Bride's family pays husband's family or husband.
C. American society.
1. Mate
selection by romantic attraction, dating process.
2. Adolescence.
Early puberty and late marriage.
III. A Christian courtship process.
A. Discern commonality of spirits.
1. Is this
person spiritually regenerated? John 3:1-6
2. Take
time to observe their values and attitudes. (Matt. 7:16
3. Will
they pray with you? ...study Scripture? ...attend church?
4. Seek
counsel of pastor or spiritual leader.
B. Determine correlation of minds.
1. Are
there common interests?
2. Do you
share "the mind which is in Christ Jesus?" (Phil. 2:5)
3. Is there
common desire to "renew the mind?" (Rom. 12:2; Eph.
4:23)
C. Discover concerns of emotions.
1. Don't
start with "feelings;" these should be by-product.
2. Are
your affections directed toward the highest well-being of the
other person?
3. Do you
detect anger, fear, jealousy, pride, etc.?
D. Develop commitments of wills.
1. Are
there common objectives and priorities?
2. Discuss
short-range and long-range goals. Career choices.
3. Is there
a mutual decision to follow God's leading together?
E. Desire companionship of bodily presence.
1. Desire
to share recreation, entertainment, social occasions in each
other's company.
2. Communication;
communication; communication!
3. Premarital
sexual relationships are contrary to God's intent. (I Cor. 6:12-20).
IV. Fundamental realities of Christian marriage.
A. Conjunction of spirits within God's
divine oneness. (I Cor. 6:17; Malachi 2:15)
B. Communications of minds within a context
of considerate understanding. (I Peter 3:7)
C. Connection of emotions within a context
of compassionate love. (Eph. 5:25)
D. Commitment of wills within a mutual
covenant relationship. (Malachi 2:14)
E. Consummation of bodies within a context
of co-habitation. (I Cor. 7:3-5)
V. Learning to love.
A. Love is NOT
1. Something
you "fall into" - a black hole.
2. Infatuation.
Emotional loss of control. "Flipped out.." "Couldn't
help myself." Romanticism
and
sentimentalism. "Puppy love." Boy-crazy; girl-crazy.
3. Evaluating
another by external criteria. "She's a #10"
4. Selfish.
Interested in "getting" to satisfy my needs.
5. Taking
advantage of another (age, height, weight, looks, intellect,
emotional maturity,
spiritual
maturity, social standings, social skills, psychological understanding,
place of
authority,
financial superiority, etc.)
6. Improper
need fulfillment. Need for love, acceptance, relating, bonding,
belonging, to be
valued,
affirmed, excitement, identity, etc.
7. Lust.
Hormones. Lasciviousness, sensuality. "Let's get physical."
8. Sex.
"Making love."
9. Idolatry.
"..........is my life." Totally preoccupied in attention
and time.
B. Love is...
1. Respectful
of the other person's values, standards and opinions.
2. Unselfish
and unconditional.
3. A decision
to relate to the other person at every level - spiritual, psychological
and physical.
4. Giving
of oneself to the other.
5. Responsible
to seek the highest good of the other person "for better
or for worse."
6. God
in action. (Rom. 5:5; I John 4:8,16)
VI. Physical limitations in courtship.
A. Sexual intercourse is sin outside
of context of marriage. (I Cor. 6:9; 17,18; II Tim. 2:22).
B. Sublimation or suppression of temporal
gratification for long-term benefit.
C. Mutual determination of limits made
before God. Love will not seek to go beyond.
|