The Health Club

©1999 by James A. Fowler. All rights reserved.

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The illustrator of these parodies is Aaron Eskridge.
For contact and information about Aaron: Illustrator's Page


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   I did it! I made the commitment. I joined the local health club a few weeks ago.

   They issued me a personalized membership card complete with photo and number. After going through the initiatory training in the use of all the equipment, I was given a personal training schedule. Regular attendance was greatly encouraged and a personal trainer was assigned to oversee my progress.

   To be honest, the primary incentives for joining the health club were the social benefits; I like people! With enough self-discipline anyone can exercise on their own by walking, jogging, bicycling, etc. But I am one of those who needed that encouragement of, and accountability to, other people. So I paid my dues and joined the health club.

    From among all the latest technologically advanced equipment, I have noticed that the most popular piece of equipment at my health club is a computer-synchronized walking/running machine. While holding on to the rails one can dial in the revolutions per minute so as to walk, jog or run at their own pace. A button on the rail causes the incline to raise or lower, thus simulating hills and making the exercise more strenuous. The other option is to choose a pre-programmed workout mode.
 

   Through your hand on the rail information is acquired so that there is a constant read-out of calories being burned per hour, heart-beats per minute and whether or not you are in your cardiac target-zone. Every participant is thoroughly monitored and all information is stored in the computer memory under your membership number: date, duration, etc.

 
 
   If you choose the pre-programmed workout mode, then the color video screen asks you to choose from various scenery options: a nature walk complete with flowers, waterfalls, wildlife; a stroll on the beach with accompanying scenery; a hike through the mountains; a walk through the city, etc. The scenery goes past in accordance with your pace as you walk, jog or run; and it does seem to make the time go by faster. Eventually you see the same scenery going by again; it must be a circuitous course.

   All the while as one engages in this exercise there is mood music being broadcast through the earphones, and this in accordance with the scenery one has selected. Periodically a computerized voice will speak to you over the music issuing motivational encouragement: "You can do it!" "Do your best." "Breath deep and hard." "Commitment to exercise pays off in the end." "The world belongs to the disciplined."

 

    Following your workout, you are asked to step on the scale. Your weight and measurements are duly recorded on your computer record. The Director of Health provides personal consultation and counsel: "You are not losing enough weight." "There are many more inches to lose around waist, buttocks, thighs, etc." "You need to come more often." "You need to set a faster pace." "What you need is more time on the treadmill."

   Aha! I suspected it for many weeks now. Despite the technological trappings, this machine is nothing more than a treadmill. It goes round and round, never goes anywhere and it is only "for the exercise."

  And I have been paying for the privilege of joining other disenchanted people in this sweat-shop, while everyone complains about getting nowhere despite their best dedicated commitment.

    I am told that the duration of consistent participation in the program averages only six weeks. Most cannot endure the monotony of the regimen which produces such minimal results. But there are the "faithful few" who seem to find their identity in the exercise, and are thus willing to endure the masochistic training schedule in order to flaunt their "hard bodies." These are those who advertise the virtues of continued attendance and rededication to the "program."
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   For some reason, this entire scenario is reminiscent of that which transpires in a church. The church is envisioned by some as akin to a spiritual health club. The social benefits draw others into the club. New members are programmed into an exercise regimen. Regular attendance is encouraged for the weekly workouts.

   But the workouts seem to be but a treadmill of "go, go, go and do, do, do for Jesus." The motivational encouragements are "Do your best, and God will do the rest;" "God helps those who help themselves." The pastoral counsel is: "What you need is more dedication and commitment." "You need to come more often, and get more involved." It is a tiring treadmill indeed! Going nowhere!

   The church should be concerned for a person's complete spiritual, psychological and physical health. But this must be more than going through the motions of a religious workout within the confines of a walled sanctuary with the artificial scenery of stained-glass windows. The Church must prepare people for meaningful participation in all levels of life; not involvement in ecclesiastical programs, but involvement in life ­ and that by the life of Jesus Christ in the Christian.